Common LISP
                           by Skef Wholey
                (to the tune of Dylan's "Maggie's Farm")

I ain't gonna hack on Common LISP no more,
I ain't gonna hack on Common LISP no more.
See, it was spawned from MACLISP,
And then they threw in Scheme,
And now everybody's made it
"just a little" short of clean.
The language specification is insane.

I ain't gonna hack on Guy Steele's LISP no more,
I ain't gonna hack on Guy Steele's LISP no more.
When you mail him a question,
And then wait for a reply,
Well you can sit for weeks now,
And begin to think he's died.
His MAIL.TXT is one great big black hole.

I ain't gonna hack on Fahlman's LISP no more,
I ain't gonna hack on Fahlman's LISP no more.
Well he gives you an X-1,
And he puts you on a perq,
And he asks you with a grin,
"Hey son, how much can you work?"
If I reboot one more time I'll lose my brain.

I ain't gonna hack on Dave Moon's LISP no more,
I ain't gonna hack on Dave Moon's LISP no more.
We had a simple SETF,
But it choked on LDB.
So Lunar Dave done fixed it:
Go look at page eighty three.
The Gang of Five they didn't take a poll.

I ain't gonna hack on Common LISP no more,
I ain't gonna hack on Common LISP no more.
With its tons of sequence functions,
And its lexical scoping,
I've now begun to like it,
But the users are moping:
"Without EXPLODE my life is full of pain."

(harmonica and fade)